I'm writing you this letter to
tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you
for seven years and I have nothing to show for
it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me
that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last
week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and
nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after
watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't
touch me or any thing. Either you're cheating or you don't love me
anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your
BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great
Nothing has made my day more than receiving
your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years,
although a good woman is a far
cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out
your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when
you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to
mind was "You
look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything
if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you
must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating
pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new
negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was
a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from
me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I
still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered
that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and
bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling
life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote,
you won't get a dime from me.
So take care.